109 Days
It’s been 109 days since my last period and 84 days since I missed my period and got numerous positive pregnancy tests.
It’s been 50 days since I had the MVA procedure (miscarriage – removal of pregnancy tissue) and I thought I should update the weeks after this procedure because it is an unknown for so many. See previous post here.
If you are interested in charting and how the above dates have been recorded see here.
Even though this is the 2nd managed miscarriage through the EPU (Early pregnancy unit – meaning I have been treated at the hospital – a general (D&C) and a local anaesthetic (MVA) to remove the pregnancy tissue) I have still been left asking questions via Google in the weeks after. This was my 6th pregnancy but I do have 1 child so 5 miscarriages in total, 2 as above, 1 spontaneous at home (managed over the phone) and 2 documented Chemical pregnancies (meaning I got positive tests but they ended very quickly, these are often undetected as they can be mistaken for a late period). One was around 2 weeks the other days after the missed period.
All posts relating to my pregnancy journey 2020 follow on from each other starting from here.
The problem is we are all biologically different, there is no absolute right answer. But Google does help. They say don’t Google but it’s where you get real people with real answers (mostly) and a wealth of resources through reputable sites such as The Miscarriage Association.
After the procedure although there was a few days of discomfort, It settled down and I found some comfort in watching an amazing drama called “The Bridge”. This kept me occupied most nights for the first 2 weeks. Physically I was ok to work by the week after but the few days after, I am so glad I gave myself time to rest.
The post bleed was not as bad as I anticipated and by a week it was much lighter. By 2 weeks I was still testing positive for pregnancy meaning the Hcg levels were still present which was a bit of a downer but going into the 3rd week the tests started fading and soon showed negative. The positive tests are quite difficult for me when you have had a loss. It should be exciting news not sadness that it has ended.
They advice after a miscarriage to wait for your first period before trying to get pregnant and for at least 2-3 weeks extra protection to limit any infection.
I’m not exactly a spring chicken biologically, I am 41 and I never thought I would still be trying at my age. I decided based on my knowledge of being told to wait for the first period to ignore that advice and try regardless. The main reason they advice that is for dating purposes as a pregnancy is predicted from the 1st day of a last period. With a miscarriage in between, that date can not be predicted. I understand this, although I didn’t feel this was a valid enough reason not to try with my circumstances.
I had my ovulation signs just over two weeks after the MVA procedure (removal of pregnancy tissue). Two weeks later I was suspicious so I did a pregnancy test and it was a clear positive. I did an ovulation test and two dark lines were clearly visible which means positive for me if doing alongside a pregnancy test.
Within 3 days and numerous tests later they were all negative and the ovulation sticks had faded to nothing.
I was booked into EPU and had a scan which confirmed I had ovulated (at which point I’m unclear) but no signs of pregnancy. Bloods were done but I was not pregnant. I was left confused. Perhaps the advice for waiting for the first period is to prevent all off this.
I dislike wasting time but because I’d had the MVA procedure I had to be checked for tissue remains. It was unlikely the reason for the positive test (remaining tissue) as I had a negative test prior to this last positive test, so it was either a very quick chemical or a false positive test. I honestly thought you couldn’t get a false positive pregnancy test but it is now something I need to consider. Just to point out I do not count my suspected pregnancies as valid unless they show a clear positive test, even the faded ones as long as the lines get stronger they are positive and I never rely on one test. I am well aware of evaporation lines). I also do a lot of tests which if you follow my blog you will know!!!
I spent days after the scan still testing numerous times both ovulation sticks and pregnancy tests. I even had family do tests for me to check if they weren’t faulty. There is no real answer to this situation. I will never really know. I was wishing I was pregnant, but I knew on the day of the scan and the blood results I wasn’t. I was still checking and wishing though.
I started to wonder as the scan showed I had ovulated that maybe I was in the process of a new pregnancy (the fertilised egg has to travel down the fallopian tube and implant into the uterus a process that takes upto 14 days) maybe the scan and blood tests hadn’t picked it up yet. I’ll never know which is not good for me as I need my answers, evidence and reassurance (OCD).
CONFUSED!!! ME TO.
I have to say I was dissapointed with the EPU this visit. Not with the care and treatment. They took me into the room where I had the MVA procedure for the consultation part (prior to moving to another room for the scan). It was partially set up so the chair you sit in, one off those legs apart chairs was covered with paper roll. I expressed my anxiety but nothing was acknowledged. I felt it was insensitive really. They are so good at what they do but this felt disrespectful to my last pregnancy. It felt as though because I was only 9 weeks when it was removed the memory of the MVA shouldn’t trigger sadness but it did. They are all very good at their jobs, very sympathetic with loss, no denying that, but it just seemed that the room for that procedure should be kept to that. Bit like the quiet room is clearly for losses. It was also a waste of two rooms with the COVID situation.
Moving on…
My period wasn’t showing any signs after the scan. Usually with chemical pregnancies, period follows soon after, although some research says that it can be absorbed and I’m not sure about anything after a miscarriage with all the hormone changes.
It was 2 weeks after the scan I started to feel as though my period was finally on its way but I also wondered if it was implantation pains as 7-14 days after ovulation is usually when the egg implants. I reflected and have decided I must have been ovulating at the time of the scan as periods usually come around 2 weeks after on my usual 28 day cycle (prior to miscarriage-they take longer to return for me).
I was still testing to check as I really wasn’t sure I was or wasn’t pregnant this time but there were no faint lines on the pregnancy tests or lines on the ovulation sticks (I use this as an extra measure to check for pregnancy which is not advised but it’s common). Therefore NEGATIVE – a kick in the teeth.
I then had what I can only describe as being very similar to implantation bleeding Google for photos. So you can imagine my hope and excitement. For 3 days my period didn’t start and I was hoping for 2 lines but nothing. Then the bleed started. The first period after the miscarriage.
It’s been really difficult. Very heavy and for 3 days passing clots and tissue and pain like the start of a miscarriage. I’m quite emotional and moody. No one can really understand how it feels unless they have been there. Having a miscarriage drags on for weeks in a lot off ways waiting for the first period after. It’s then I felt it more emotionally. Men, sorry to say, have no idea what we go through or how we feel. I am tired on all levels and I find it fascinating how we manage to loose so much blood but not in the way if we cut a vein. We survive and we still stand. It’s incredible that hormones make this happen.
What I do have is hope. I have my daughter who is everything and not being pregnant and feeling so unwell like I was weeks ago allows me to stay focused on her. She loves to play and keeps me on my toes.
Moving forward I have had a think about the current situation with Covid. Perhaps now is not the time to be getting pregnant and maybe leaving it for a few months as I originally planned is the best course of action I can do to fully recover and try and get my bad habits in order. I started eating chocolate again and it’s a problem so to is fresh coffee which means more sugar intake.
I have been successfully getting pregnant for nearly 12 months but then losing them. I feel my inner self is not in its best state. I was in this position in the past after the first and second miscarriages and when I addressed it (juicing, reflexology, ubiqunol, swimming, meditation and visualisation) I concieved just before I was due to go for IVF and had my baby. Its not just physical – mental, emotional and spiritual are all levels of our being that need balance.
Life is not all about biology and science. I spent a lot of time on my spiritual self something that I have neglected in recent years. I dedicate every part of me to being a Mum.
The OCD has been quite bad lately, my thoughts and fears are always relating to loss in some way or form. It scares me. Covid isn’t helping. But I’m very happy with my life, lockdown is testing to us all but I’m ok with it, I feel safe at home, but my mind can be a different story. It can be difficult. Im so lucky though it remains in my mind. I’ll work through it with the CBT work I have done.
It feels like the end of another pregnancy journey. Each one starts on the first day of the menstrual cycle and ends there to. A full circle. How magical are the rhythms of life.
In fertility and if no issues, when your period starts, it is classed as day 1. Your body then goes through a cycle where it hopefully ovulates, releases an egg which hopefully gets fertilised. If it doesn’t get fertilised your journey ends on day 1 when a new cycle starts and your period begins. If it gets fertilised the days continue from the previous period and that is how they will date and predict your pregnancy due date. (Based on regular periods).