Loss
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Trisomy 14
It’s been sometime since I have updated my blog. I had every intention but life just took a backward step and I just needed time to process my losses from the start but in particular the last two as I had answers after they were tested. Although I felt fortunate to be in a position to have answers, the answers didn’t make any sense to me. I started to give up hope of ever having another child again with my run of bad luck. My last two pregnancies were both Chromosome issues and the process of conception to loss and removal just took so much time and so much out…
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Not OK
It’s been a tough week. I’ve found myself in some strange places hiding while I sort myself out. I’m currently sat in Tesco carpark having a mini picnic, drinking a non-alcoholic larger wondering if I can even legally drive! Now I’m not pregnant I can drink again (except I stopped drinking the non-alcoholic larger when I fell pregnant-odd I know I am!) I feel incredibly guilty sat here drinking thinking what must people think of me, something I need to stop doing. I had a breakdown today at a hospital appointment. Nothing to do with the actual appointment. I had no idea why I was so emotional and I would…
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#4 Emotional Loss
I’m feeling it today physically and mentally. Feel so unwell.
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#3 Medical Management Post D&C
This video follows on from videos #1 and #2 This video is post D&C which is a procedure to remove pregnant tissue from a miscarriage. I share my experiences in the hope to help others.
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#2 Medical Management Inpatient
This video follows on from Video #1 I went into hospital for a medically managed miscarriage that didn’t go to plan and resulted in a D&C theatre under general Anesthetic. Those that follow my journey know the history but for those of you that don’t this is my 2nd managed miscarriage during the lockdown period which means it is controlled through the hospital and not natural/Spontaneous at home, the last one being in December which was an MVA see here. See About for a timeline of my experiences as this is my 8th loss in my lifetime so far.
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#1 Medical Management – Inpatient
I’ve been very quiet. Life gave me a surprise, one that wasn’t planned so to speak. It came after a loss in December that was sadly due to Edwards’ Syndrome. That was a shock and I suppose that started the internal deep cleansing and healing that I’ve been needing for sometime. Today I came into hospital with my surprise after its beautiful beating heart stopped ♡ I thought by 2pm I would be home but here I am and this little soul although not “alive” seems to be happily floating around in my womb. I fear loss it’s a theme in my life and today I have been cleansing and…
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Loss
I’m in hospital waiting for my pregnancy to let go. I’m doing a lot of cleansing. I’m listening to music. I’m writing poetry again. I’ve just written this on my feelings off loss. It’s not a poem. I’ll post my poem when it’s finished. I’m happy but there is an underlying current of fear that revolves around loss. At any time the current can change and take the people I love away – I never underestimate that. My first loss was my Grandma. At that time I was sad but I seemed to accept it more easily, at that age than any later loss. The losses of other family members…
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Chemical Pregnancy
I remember my losses. It is never easy losing a positive pregnancy however early I have been but I still feel nature had taken its course and with time life resumes. I still can never comprehend later losses and in some ways I have been blessed to have experienced mine for a short amount of time to try and understand and process it. I have to say now with my daughter the chemical pregnancies although not nice for me, it’s my body just doing what nature does and I believe in letting things be. So I hope that I am blessed again but I feel so honoured to have my…
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5 Months!!!
Where does time go. The days, weeks and months pass so quickly. Photos are taken daily and they keep filling my space up on my phone but my daily record off being a Mother has become nil. I have to confess that social media has been taking over. When I am feeding and my daughter sleeps I become confined to the place I am in. It is easy to go through news feeds with my spare arm while I am feeding. It is easy to get caught into a world of negativity and conflict. This does not help with my head. It is something I have highlighted each week in…
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Ovulation & Conception
I have had two miscarriages before this 3rd planned pregnancy, I am 40 weeks and 3 days waiting for Wiggle to arrive. All three pregnancies I have been in control off they have been planned and I have used my chart to conceive. I monitored my chart so I wouldn’t get pregnant but then I was pretty knowledgeable when I could. I was on the list for IVF after being told I didn’t qualify for IVF originally, see post Rhesus Negative when I conceived naturally. I am no text book as I always say but unfortunately you are treated as if you have a 28 day cycle, you ovulate on day 14,…
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Feeling Emotional
This time last year I was loosing my 2nd planned pregnancy within 7 months of loosing my first planned pregnancy from 2016. My 2nd pregnancy was only 5 weeks old but it nevertheless shattered me once again. My 1st planned pregnancy was 11 weeks old. You don’t get any support under about 7 weeks and so I was told to go home and ride through it basically. It would be like a heavy period. I was devastated. I felt that someone choosing to loose their baby were offered more support than me, I wasn’t even offered a tablet to help it along. They made me feel like 5 weeks…
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First Post – The Beginning
This is the background to my journey and experiences. I have touched on these in other posts but felt it would be good to have this as it is the background and foundations for BudBaby. Here is my story. It’s a long one! November 2015 we decided that we would start trying for a baby. I had knowledge of my cycle for not getting pregnant, as I prefer natural birth prevention methods by tracking my ovulation/cycle chart. I was not successful in November but that was a bit of a hit and miss situation anyway with dates. December was Christmas so in my mind I would avoid that time thinking…