Nursery Shock
Today my daughters place was withdrawn from an Ofsted “Outstanding” nursery. I am so upset. She was due to start in January. I have been planning my return to work around her placement. I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me.
The nursery states that it “supports the whole family” except it has not supported that I am a first time Mother with high anxiety levels who just needed extra reassurance. If I am not given a direct answer to my questions, I question why I am not being given answers and I am suspicious. It is part of my OCD behaviour. I look for reassurance which is part of the safety behaviour coping strategy to make me feel secure, that I am making the right choices. I have a pattern of behaviour and then I reach a solution. So it therefore takes me that little bit longer.
I started looking for a suitable place for my baby while I was pregnant. I have visited quite a few settings in different areas. I have spent hours mulling over in my mind what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I knew a nursery setting was the best way forward for us.
It’s been quite distressing for me having to think off her going, leaving her and her feeling insecure because I have left her. I am sure this is normal. Magnify that by quite a lot, add a hyper sensitive anxious Mother battling with postpartum OCD and you get me.
Everyone has troubles in life and our negatives in life makes us stronger. As an adult I have found my voice and I use it. I will keep asking until I receive my answer and feel reassured something, all children need. If they are working with children surely dealing with an adult who is communicating insecurities is far more easier and yet these people qualified to work with SEN (Special educational needs) can not cope with me.
For the last 6 months I visited more nurseries and I did revisit this one numerous times. There were things I saw that didn’t please me such as the ratios being out on two occasions and excuses and “legitimate” reasons being made. But you have to put your worries in a list of a priority or not. I wrote to OFSTED I got my answers I chose not to pursue.
After a brief holiday spent going over nursery, sleepless nights and a really bad tormented night with negative thoughts, I had to get a 2nd opinion. So her Father came. He said no to one, and yes to two. In the end we chose the one I had visited numerous times. There was one we both loved but it is out of my travel zone and it’s got a huge waiting list. If only we could go there as it is like a dream and is more Forest School based.
On the last visit to the nursery we finally decided to enrol at, I noticed an aerosol air freshener on the nappy unit that is within the room the children played. I do not agree that synthetic products should be used around children especially in the nursery environment and especially with the primary reason to mask unpleasant smells. I did ask the question why it was there and I was assured on the day that all spraying was done at the end of the day.
However on my return that day to pay the deposit I walked into an atmosphere of air fresher so strong the inhalation of it triggered an allergy within me. In theory I should have walked away, however I paid my deposit as I was convinced this was the better choice.
However I could not get out of my mind the air freshner incident. I was so concerned that children should not be breathing in air freshers that I wrote an email to clarify this in the hope it was a simple mistake.
The manager did not respond to me regarding these issues and wouldn’t even respond to my requests on the days I wanted to book. I even joked that I felt like I wasn’t welcome there. They were avoiding my emails.
Eventually the owner rang me in response to my emails. The issues I raised were about the air fresher, the concrete flooring in the baby outdoor area and the settling in days before her official start.
The owner informed me that the nursery had been taken over due to her own health reasons but she still had a consultancy roll. She explained about the cleaning products which I accepted but there was no response or reason about the air fresher, she simply would not acknowledge it and repeated the cleaning products uses.
After some discussion and not really answering me, she suggested I got a Nanny. I disagreed as I wanted a nursery setting. I had thought about this for 12 months now! I know what I wanted and a Nanny or child minder was a definite No at the stage I was and still at with my fears and anxieties. I wanted a nursery setting.
After the phone call I did some research which is not unusual for me to do. I was a bit confused at what role the now old owner had and how that may effect the infrastructure with the new owners. I was still unclear whether my girl would be inhaling aerosols which is something that really worried me especially with her sensitivities and eczema.
But I had no answer. So I wanted clarification on this. I wrote again and my email was passed on to the new owner.
The new owner introduced herself and explained that the products were used for cleaning which once again I said I accepted but no mention of the air fresher. I also asked if babies go outside because on my visit I noticed the walkers went out but babies didn’t.
The emails where not straight forward from their end. But I guess a new owner had to read up on the policies herself which is perhaps the reason why I was not completely understanding this.
She suggested that it would be better that I look for 1:1 and said she would refund my deposit. I explained that I did not want 1:1. I accepted no improvements would be made to the concrete flooring be it on there backs if a baby falls although I’m not so sure I believe they get daily time outside after visiting so much.
I accepted cleaning products are used although my view is why use sprays and tissue. Why has a company not created Eco friendly wipes to save spraying into the air. But that is something most settings do which is not good.
The owner who manages two other nurseries explained that “in one day in that room up to 60 nappies are changed and they can’t leave the room because of ratios”, (I had an issue with that also on past visits. 15 children 3 qualified staff in the room, one manager within ear and eye shot but two closed doors in the way of that. When I asked why there was not enough staff she explained that some of the children are nearer two years and transferring so therefore within ratios. OFSTED made it clear 0-2 is a 1:3) I let it go that one because I felt the room was to small for anymore staff and there was cameras up in the event.
So back to nappies. The owner finally answered my question about the air freshener and they do use it to cover up the smell of poo. So that’s a lot of air fresher in that small room. Even with windows open little lungs have no choice but to breath that in.
The problem I had was that I had based my return back to work in January on the basis of my daughters place. I had turned down other nurseries and therefore am now without a place for her.
I wondered what the real reason was that they withdrew her place. I really can’t believe that a setting that cares for children could honestly withdraw her place because a parent is concerned about her health. Asthma and lung conditions run in both sides of our families. She was diagnosed with eczema and reacts to products touching her skin. Do they not consider this and accommodate children’s medical needs?
If a child had an allergy to food they would ensure (I hope) that they were not exposed to it. What is the difference?
The fact is, I asked questions on my observations and this is just me being absolutely certain I understood how the setting is run, so then if I was not happy I could choose to leave. Except I did not get a choice.
I believe that they did not want a parent like me at their setting. One that has a voice and will ask questions. One who is observant.
They tried to make it as though the setting was not right for me but what they really needed to say was the parent was not right for their setting and just be honest that they did not want someone like me there.
This is an outstanding nursery. I am appalled at my treatment for being concerned about not only my daughter’s health but other “little lungs” to.
I have lost confidence in OFSTED reports on my journey in looking at a nursery setting. I feel they are staged to a degree. I realise that it is not of any interest to OFSTED the fact nurseries spray aerosols around children, it doesn’t seem to come under any heading the implications of actions on health such as these and yet is is so common.
Where is the section on health and wellbeing. These children that are supposed to get outdoor time who are indoors mostly are in this environment with these chemicals.
Something needs to change. Think about all the chemicals sprayed in the environment your children are in. Not just at nursery. I am upset with loosing her place and for now loosing income because of the impact on my work with not having a place. But I am not bitter. I am glad I got my answer in the end but what I am worried about is what is acceptable in the nursery environment and why no one is acting on this.
I am a first time Mother. I am a very sensitive person. Through my trails and tribulations of life I have become insecure and so I seek reassurance.
If I see something that worries me I need to know that the most precious thing I love is not going to be hurt in any way – my daughter.
As people working in a child environment I would expect them to recognise a child with special educational needs. I would expect that child would be nurtured and made to feel secure. How you treat a parent is really important.
Babies can not speak. I can. I have. I am her advocate. I am an adult and if they can not accept my nature and needs through me expressing what on the surface is a very simple matter then I have lost faith in how they can run and be a part of a nursery setting especially the little ones who may have needs. I’m an adult and they failed to recognise me and I have a voice. Our babies don’t. We are their voices. It’s shocking this nursery behaved in this way.
It has really set me back 🙁