Pregnancy Diaries #3 – Fetal pole but no heartbeat

The video and blog can be slightly different in content.

I went for the 2nd scan after waiting for 10 days. The wait to go in was bad enough and then the examination and that familiar silence. My impatience taking over, asking if there is a heart beat. Hearing the sounds the sonographers make, then something  is printing but still no answer. It’s awful waiting.

The pregnancy has ended there is no heartbeat. I was in tears in disbelief but also not surprised. Why wouldn’t it be. But why now. Weeks in. I remember the natural miscarriage at 7 weeks was worst than the first one at 10/11 because at least I was asleep when it was being removed in theatre.

They have to get a 2nd opinion to confirm it. The familiar face walks in the room instantly filling me with comfort.

They started the examination and I could hear their quiet words and I just wanted to know what was going on. Patience is all you need but it’s just an awful experience waiting.

The pregnancy has progressed as there is the fetal pole but there is no heartbeat. At 8 weeks gestational calculation it should be 100% present.

I’m relieved there may be a small chance. The pregnancy is not confirmed as ended at this stage. I have to wait 7 days and bring my partner which is preparing me for bad news.

Yesturday was a crap day. I’m so used to loss in my life I am numb at times with my inner grief.

But I have hope.

Today I feel pregnant but I’ve been so upset with other personal  issues it could be emotional stress manifesting.  It could be the progesterone I am on. It could be a miracle and this little embryo will turn into a fetus with a heart beat.