Pregnancy Diaries #4 – Miscarriage

The video and blog can be slightly different in content.

The 3rd scan and my partner was able to support me by being there so I was mentally nearly prepared for a miscarriage diagnosis but I had hoped for a heartbeat. We arrived and waited in a “quiet room” which is an improvement from my first EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit)  miscarriage in 2016.

They had said they would not leave me waiting unnecessarily but it was still a 20min wait but better than the previous 2 weeks off 45-60mins which of course is agonising when you are so anxious.

I was taken in by a familiar face, in fact she dealt with us in 2016 so I felt comforted by her presence and reassured I was in safe hands. The transvaginal was a lot quicker than the previous week and she talked me through it. Although there had been some growth it was minimal in fact only 1 mm in a week. The expected growth would be at least 1mm a day. The foetus looked larger than the previous scans so it was harder to believe but it could have swelled in the fluid. There was no evidence of blood flow to the heart and there was no evidence that it was expelling itself as I showed no signs of any bleeding.

The progesterone had been preventing the bleed and I knew this was the case which is why I still took it up until Wednesday and I forgot to take folic acid and vitamins that I had been taking daily – perhaps I knew deep down it was bad news.

The situation which was causing me the most stress what how it was going to expel itself. The first miscarriage was managed though the EPU at 10/11 weeks was a D and C so you are under general anaesthetic (asleep in theatre) so not aware of anything. The 2nd miscarriage was natural at home at 5/6 weeks and was horrendous. It took 2 weeks to begin recovery and the pain and passing it was so unpleasant even only weeks old. I couldn’t put my daughter through that, as we are so close and she is still very dependant on me, there was no escaping she would potentially experience Mummy in great pain. You can not guarantee when it comes and if you are going to end up in hospital from it. The 3rd option was to take a pill that would help things along but you still go through the process at home and no guarantees. 1 in 25 it doesn’t work. The last new option I was given was MVA which is Manual Vacuum Aspiration, that is done under a local anaesthetic (awake).

I used the BRAIN acronym that I was taught with Hypnobirthing in weighing up the Benefits and Risks and that seemed the most quickest option with me being able to hopefully return to some normality very quickly. I do tend to suffer with miscarriages so I have taken the day off after the procedure and hopefully will feel better for the day after. In 2016 I was initially told you could be waiting up to 2 weeks for a D&C operation, so this is much more easier for me.

I am still suffering with pregnancy symptoms which are not the best but that’s because the pregnancy is still present and not started to expel naturally. Its not the easiest to deal with because my body still thinks it is carrying a foetus with all the hormones.

Because I was so prepared for bad news and it is my 3rd miscarriage that is being managed under EPU (although the 2nd was over the phone) I am more grounded in my approach. It is my 5th in total as I have had 2 documented (positive pregnancy test) chemical pregnancy’s this year and I have one daughter so 6 pregnancy’s in 4 years.

I think this is why I am able to do my blogs and be so grounded in my approach with all the losses I kind of expect it which is why I want to help others. However with this new procedure I am scared and need reassurance but you do not hear people openly talking about this which of course is a very personal experience but people like me want to hear real peoples stories and I will document mine in the hope to help someone else as I go through it.